I Unadorn You!


I’m currently eating a cereal with a front cover that states, “Unadorned Organic Granola.”  What does that even mean?  Do I need to bring a dictionary to the breakfast table?  I do know this: I’m pretty sure I’m going to need my cereal to be adorned with as much adornment as possible.  I’m pretty sure if I want to be make it through the day, unadorned is not going to get it done.


7 Deadly Phrases – NFL Coach

1. “I understand that I already have a job. But in today’s environment, I think it’s a good idea to have a backup plan.”  (Monday’s phone interview for Team Mascot.)

2. “Randall, you understand the main responsibility of a wide receiver is having the ability to RECEIVE the ball when you are WIDE open?” (Tuesday’s review game footage.)

3. “That’s a great three part question, Sid.  A question whose parts I intend to ignore, obfuscate and spin in this order.” (Wednesday’s News Media Day.)

4. “No Darrin, you do not accumulate yardage running to and from the locker room.” (Thursday’s players’ meeting.)

5. “Just remember, we have a better chance of executing the play if all 11 players are on the field.” (Friday’s final run-through.)

6. “Okay, let’s go over tomorrow’s playbook.  Are we the X’s or O’s?”  (Saturday’s final coaches meeting.)

7. “Did the ref say ‘4th and long’ or ‘Everything will go wrong’?” (Sunday!)

8. “So, this new job, can you guarantee me that it will not involve taking any questions from the press?” (Monday’s 2nd interview for Team Mascot.)