One thought ahead. Two sentences behind.


Can I see some ID?

As the wealth of the country continues to filter to the upper two percent, would you like to know how the uber-rich are spending their money?  Would you believe they are buying attack dogs worth more than most starter homes?

Normally reserved for the police and military, German Shepherds, exclusively bred and trained to provide security, are now being purchased by private individuals who need home protection but don’t want to hire guys with names like Sal, Günter and Colt.

It isn’t cheap.  With the pedigree and training, a dog can range from $50 to $100K with champion breeds costing well above $200K.

Am I missing something?  Why would you spend that much money on something that cannot effectively dispose of its own waste?  If I was to spend that much on an animal, I sure wouldn’t waste it on one the size of a coffee table.  I would want something closer to a freight train like a trained rhino or Bengal tiger.  Better yet, a grizzly bear.  At 1,000 pounds it would be the perfect bouncer to place at my front door.

SOLICITOR:  I’m here to see D. Naughton.

G. BAER:  Name?


G. BAER: First or last?

WAYNE:  Both.

G. BAER:  Wayne Wayne?

WAYNE:  I know, that’s why I dropped one.

G. BAER:  Well one-Wayne, I don’t see you on the list.

WAYNE:  Oh, I’m just swinging by.

G. BAER:  Well swing back to your car.  Mr. Naughton does not see people who are not on the list.

WAYNE:  Even relatives?

G. BAER:  Are you?

WAYNE:  No, I’m just seeing if there are exceptions, maybe allowances.  Perhaps if a certain person was to grease a certain paw…

G. BAER:   Are you trying to bribe me?

WAYNE:  Is that what you thought?

G. BAER:  You tell me.  Do I look like a bear that can be paid off?

WAYNE:  I don’t normally deal with bears.

G. BAER:  Well, do you think bears enjoy standing in front of a mansions all day talking to jokers like you?

WAYNE:  I wouldn’t think so.

G. BAER:  Do you think bears should be paid with honey that isn’t from a single source, blueberries that are frozen and salmon that comes from God knows where?  And don’t get me started on paid vacations.  How am I going to fit hibernation into four days?

WAYNE:  You sound like a bear looking for options.

G. BAER:  All I’m saying is if a bluefin tuna ends up on the front lawn tomorrow, I don’t know how you got past me.


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