And seeing the multitudes in the conference room drinking their strong coffee and buttering burnt toast, Jesus stepped up to the podium. And through the murmurs and glad-handing, he opened his mouth, saying,
“Blessed are the poor who are low in spirits, for hopefully a liquor store is near.”
A hearty chuckle. Peter’s joke worked.
“Blessed are those that weep and mourn, and hopefully it is someone else’s wife.”
More laughs. The crowd was with him.
“Blessed are the meek for they don’t complain much when we cut them off in traffic.”
A few amens.
“Blessed are the pure in heart and steady of hand.
Blessed is the Peacemaker for it is a well-made gun.”
“Blessed are those who have been prosecuted for excessive force, for their homes are the kingdom and they shall protect their domain.”
“Blessed are ye when press-grabbing DA’s persecute you and say all manner of slander against you. For verily I say unto you. Till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass away from the law, till all things be accomplished.”
A smattering of applause. The crowed was confused. So was he.
“Ye have heard that it was said to them of old time. Thou shalt not kill and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment.”
Now they were quiet. He was loosing them. He should have never asked Luke to help write the morning prayer.
“Agree with thine adversary quickly, while though art with him in the way; lest haply the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and though be cast in prison for shooting a complete stranger on your front porch.”
Great, now security is coming on the stage. He better not find Luke at the buffet table.