One thought ahead. Three sentences behind.

FRENCH FLOP

Yipeeeee!

You may not know this but Thomas Levet won this year’s French Open for golf.  That in itself is not news.  It isn’t even news that Levet won in spite of his age (43) or for being French.  The news is what he did after he won.

According to Fox News, after a nail-biting one-shot win over Mark Foster and Thorbjorn Olsen, Levet, “… impulsively jumped into the lake near the 18th hole, breaking his shin.”

Even with surgery, which required screws and plates, Levet remained positive, stating, “The wonderful memory of winning my national open will definitely keep me going through my recovery.”

Hey kids, here’s a good life lesson.  If you want to celebrate a major victory, the aside picture is a perfect example on what not to do.

Levet’s caddy shows the proper technique when diving into a shallow pool of water by doing the Nestea plunge.  By spreading out he is guaranteed to hit the water with his whole body and not like his boss who is jumping into the pond like a railroad spike.

Forty-three year old men should not do this to their bodies even if it is impulsive, which I find hard to believe.  Impulsive is a spur of the moment, what-was-I-thinking act.  This looks deliberate.  What else explains the lack of shoes?  The caddy doesn’t even have socks.  I wonder if given enough time, if they would have switched into bathing suits before their jump into infamy.

I wonder what would have happened here in the United States if major events of celebration were marred by bone-headed mistakes.  For example, what would have happened if:

Weeeeeeeee!

After completing what later would be memorialized as “The Catch,” tight end, Dwight Clark and quarterback, Joe Montana celebrated their game-tying touchdown by impulsively leading San Francisco 49ers in the “Cowboy Boogie.” Their out-of-step line dance would quickly be penalized for delay of game.  And their choice of dance selection would draw another flag for taunting.  And after receiving a short-field advantage on the following kickoff, the Dallas Cowboys would proceed to move down the field, kick a last second field goal and go onto to represent the NFC in Super Bowl XVI.

In 1803 after purchasing 828,000 square miles from the French for $15 million dollars, Thomas Jefferson would proceed to “flip” the Louisiana Territory by selling it back to the Spaniards for $20 million.  No upkeep or renovation costs, with the stroke of a pen, Jefferson would net the new and fledgling country of the United States a 25% profit in two weeks.  Although an astute business move at the time, “I made a f-ing killing!” would eventually go on to become one of the most infamous presidential quotes of all time, even surpassing Richard Nixon’s, “I’m not a crook!”

"NASA we're $%$#!!!"

On July 21st, 1969  after landing the lunar module, The Eagle, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin would become the first people ever to walk on the surface of the moon.  The astronauts would proceed to plant the United States flag and telephone President Richard Nixon who would assure them that he was indeed not a crook.  And after exploring the moon’s East Crater and taking some pictures, they would head back and quickly discover they had accidentally locked themselves out of the lunar module.  “Crap, Aldrin!” would quickly replace, “A giant leap for mankind.”

Cheers!

And finally, after winning the prestigious 2011 James Beard Award for Outstanding Chef, José Andrés, would go on to celebrate in low fashion by treating his whole staff at Washington DC’s renowned minibar to Domino’s Pizza and a keg of Miller High Life.  His only reply to the disgruntled staff on the food selection would be, “I won a Beard not a Nobel.  Pass me another slice of pepperoni.”

And so ends our U.S. history lesson if any of our leaders in politics, space exploration, sports and the arts decided to go jump in a lake.

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