One thought ahead. Three sentences behind.

FINAL DESTINATION: ALL ABOARD

I just watched The Final Destination in 3-D.  In case you haven’t seen it, the movie isn’t about massive flight cancellations at Chicago’s O’Hare.  It’s about a small group of people who escape death at a horrible NASCAR crash that spills into the stands.  The Grim Reaper then calls upon them to purchase tickets for the remaining season.  Most refuse and are soon dashed in some horrific accident.

Being this movie is the fourth in a never-ending series, the creators had to find new and inventive ways to make the deaths memorable.  So, the characters are immolated, dragged through the street, disemboweled, decapitated, crushed, severed and given mortal wounds so massive the viewer could see right through the porous body (in 3-D).  In one gruesome scene, a person had to play and endless game of UNO with the Grim Reaper.

It was bad enough to see people torn apart and splattered. With 3-D I had an opportunity to see their blood, grey matter and Reverse Cards coming right at me.  Now I know the franchise is doing what it needs to do to cater to its core audience: Southern Presbyterian women in their 70’s.  But come on!  Could one of the survivors die of natural causes?  So, instead of being attacked by a gang of wild dogs, Frank could slump over his work desk while eating lunch.  The Grim Reaper could be in the office parking lot kicking over a trash can.

“Damn, you Frank and your high cholesterol,”  He could shout.

Then camera could roll back to Frank, face down, smiling and with one last gasp, “Thank you Baconator.”

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